Saturday, March 12, 2011

Reshaping it All - Day 12

Reshaping it All - Day 12!

Guest writer, Stephanie from Behind Yellow Doors


Welcome to my body- with a current population of 195 pounds currently residing in a size 14 frame. Host to numerous special events including to emotional eating, and addiction to potato chips and diet Pepsi and a weird little quirk of not wanting to do something the moment I know I have to.

Years ago, I was still the same basic me- 80-some pounds heavier and far less honest with myself. I was riding the diet roller coaster trying every fad diet you could imagine, looking for the quickest easiest way to be thin and energetic without moving a muscle or changing a thing about my life.

Somewhere in a secret hiding place in my psyche all I hoped for was to one day wake up, lighter, and fit—Full of energy and self control. The persona I envisioned as someone in shape-- The kind of women you see wearing adorable yoga suits running with her dogs at 6 am while I'm still laying half unconscious in a puddle of my own drool, dreaming of pizza's and double chocolate ice-cream.

I bought the gym membership, got a cute little running suit with shoes to match, loaded my mp3 player with motivating music and went grocery shopping for enough fruit and veggies to feed a small army. My mind was made up—I would be "that girl".

For a few days, I ran my chubby little heart out for 10, 20, 30 second sprints, then walked for 10, 20, 30 minute intervals. I'd crank up the tunes to drown out my own personal embarrassment of how loudly my 285 pounds thumped on the treadmill and how my labored breathing screamed “out of shape fat girl!”

If you ask anyone I know, they'll agree that I said I stopped running after my knee became aggravated, about a week or so into my endeavor. If you ask me to be honest- I didn't have it in me to be "that girl." Sure I wanted the look the part—but work for it? That wasn’t what I signed up for.

I'd love to tell you this is a story about overcoming challenges and rising to the occasion—that I pressed on in the face of adversity and overcame the challenge. Now 80 pounds lighter, I'd love to tell you that I stick my newly thinner frame into a cute little yoga suits with matching sneakers and head out for 6am runs with my dogs—But I wont. This is a true story of my personal defeat. A defeat suffered not through failing to fit into the persona I had projected, but a failure conceived through dishonesty with myself and an unfair goal of what health should look like. It was only once I was honest with myself about who I really was and why; I was able to address the very obstacles that were weighing me down.

Being honest with myself forced the realization that I'm always going to opt for snoring over intense morning exercise, and I'm always going to secretly covet junk food. Being honest with myself meant acknowledging my flaws, admitting what I was willing to sacrifice, and what was non negotiable for me. Change for me would mean thinking outside the box to improve my health while accepting my quirks. The fact is that no amount of cute track suits, new runners, vegetable laden-granola-crunchy diets, treadmills or gym memberships were ever going to make me thin, because I wouldn’t use them.

When I traded in denial for honesty, I traded in my yoga gear for a comfy pair of old worn out blue jeans and crocks, the perfect company for long evening strolls with my nieces and dogs, a hard day working in the yard- or an afternoon of playing catch and skipping rope in the front yard. I traded in huge portions of vegetable laden food which I found unbearable and unsatisfying- for portion control and balance. I traded in my need to become stereotypical image of "healthy granola morning jogger " for a good hard look at myself, my life, and my choices, and a cognizant effort to think outside the yoga suit. And years later, I traded in a size 24 pant, for size 14 and counting.

I applaud and at times still envy those who have the will power and the endurance that I can't seem to conjure up despite my best intentions- but I can only advocate that there is not one single solution, not one single persona that we must embody in order to reshape our lives. Through honesty with ourselves, we can create meaningful plans we can stick to, realistic expectations, and positive change in ourselves both inside and out.

Visit Stephanie at Behind Yellow Doors:



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33 comments:

  1. I follow Reshaping It All and Candaces Facebook! Hope everyone has a blessed day!

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  2. Wow! Can I really be the first one? I'm sure #1 will not be the winner, but I have to comment anyway!! What a great post! Congratulations to you Stephanie. It is so true. We have to have realistic expectations of ourselves. Thanks for the reminder today, and sharing your story with us!

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  3. Stephanie, I LOVE your honesty and your story! You have come so far!!!! Thank you for sharing!!!

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  4. Wow... that was powerful Stephanie! Way to go girl!! What an inspiration in embracing who God made you to be and taking it at your own pace. Not getting sucked into what we think is the only way to do it is huge. Thanks for sharing your journey.

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  5. What an awesome job! You are an inspiriation!

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  6. I love the honesty in this post. It's where we all need to be.

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  7. I would love to enter the contest, but is there a way for us to give you contact info w/o posting it in the comments?

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  8. I "like" Candance Cameron Bure on Facebook
    lisa.suit@yahoo.com

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  9. I "like" Time-Warp Wife on Facebook :)
    lisa.suit@yahoo.com

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  10. I would love to try to win the $25 gift card!
    Lisa Suit (lisa.suit@yahoo.com)

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  11. Missy - malittl@gmail.com

    I'd love to win!! :)

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  12. I "like" Reshaping It All on Facebook!
    lisa.suit@yahoo.com

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  13. I can really identify with this gal's story - it sounds so much like mine. I'm just starting my journey and I'm LOVING the book - I can't put it down. Thanks for the opportunity to win the gift certificate and also for sharing this valuable information with others like me.

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  14. Wow! Thank you for your transparency and honesty! Truly inspirational.
    Courtney

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  15. I would love to win a gift certificate so that I could buy Candace's book!
    caryn@bowserfamily.org

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  16. I would love to receive the 25.00 amazon gift certificate. Weight has been been challenge for forty of my fifty three years-please consider me.
    dajweber@aol.com

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  17. I have a study I want to purchase, so winning an Amazon card would be perfect. Thanks for the fantastic giveaway!!!

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  18. Oh no! I forgot my contact info. I can be reached at spazzfantastica (at) @yahoo.com... I have a study I want to purchase, so winning an Amazon card would be perfect. Thanks for the fantastic giveaway!!!

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  19. Thanks for the opportunity to win!! My contact info is lisaw1111 (at) yahoo (dot) com.
    Thanks again!!

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  20. Great Post - and thanks for the giveaway!!
    mandi (dot) pie (at) gmail (dot) com

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  21. i shared on facebook, also. :)

    mandi (dot) pie (at) gmail (dot) com

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  22. I loved this story! So honest! :)

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  23. I follow both Reshaping it All and Candace's page on facebook. The book is so encouraging. LOVE it.
    I would love to win the gift card.
    luv2run3122@gmail.com



    Mallory

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  24. Can't wait to get my copy of Candace's book. I am not overweight, but do feel that my lifestyle could be much healthier. In the past I have been unable to stay motivated or disciplined... hoping that adding the faith element will be the key!

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  25. I know the pain and depression that comes with obesity. I am "reshaping" my entire life both physically and spiritually. I get wonderful support from the websites, book, and Twitter! Thanks for helping me WIN!
    Donna Vandygriff
    vandygriffd@bellsouth.net

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  26. Congratulations, Stephanie! I'm not comfortable enough going to a gym yet but I'm looking forward to getting there one day. I already follow, all 3 (Reshaping it All, Time-Warp Wife, or Candace Cameron Bure fan page on facebook).
    Just sent a tweet as well!!!
    Thank you for sharing your story!!
    Martha

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  27. This was a great read - thank you!

    htruck@gmail.com

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  28. Kelly Morrison

    kmorrison819@marykay.com :)

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  29. I also like Candace and the book on FB!

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  30. I'd love to win! Reshaping It All is amazing!

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  31. I relate to so many of the things Stephanie talked about. It's such a challenge, but with Jesus-ALL things are possible and he gets us over those hurdles.
    My contact is katiebh at gmail dot com for the entry prize:)

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  32. I'd love to win this!

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  33. Want to win this give a way..so I can buy this book, love love love "Reshaping It All " . It is my spiritual & motivational BIBLE...want to win this for my dear GF. We are sooo close, she inspires me to lose, oh and this book !! JUDY HAGGARTY

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